Andrew Horne
stephanie dumped me. I wish my freind's liked me enoufh to take me drining.
21 hours ago · LikeUnlike ·
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Pierre-Marie Jean Ahlstrom http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/X3cAJZyW9Xo/
many fish in the sea, some even smell like it, better to throw them back!
21 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Pierre-Marie Jean Ahlstrom not saying Stephine smells like fish, saying, "Go cast your nets." Or maybe I'm a cheerleader for Spanish Flamenco. GO CASTANETS!
21 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Alex Zepeda If it makes any difference, my ex-Stephanie who has ignored me for the better part of two years took the time out of her life to laugh at my current situation. Fuck Stephanies.
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading...
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Pierre-Marie Jean Ahlstrom don't compare your insides to their outsides. Everyone's got problems and anyone who takes time out of their day to laugh at anyone is a waste of fucking flesh and is a total energy vampire.
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Austin Smith My ex-Stephanie was the last woman I ever loved unconditionally, and betrayed me. Enjoy your freedom, you've a lot of life ahead of you, with many new and stimlatiing encounters yet-to-come.
20 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personAlex Zepeda likes this.
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Rose London You need to be taken out drinking a mere 3 days before I get out of rehab. Terrible timing.
13 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Joe Glazier I'll take you drinking. You should know my number already. Last weekend was nuts for me, but this weekend I should be around.
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike
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Andrew Horne Thanks for all your support, everyone. Before this unfortunate event i wouldn't in my wildest dreams imagine I had any friendsl I mean, I did stuff with her friends but my disinterest in them and their distaste for me hardly needed to be pointed out, though they never missed an occasion to point it out anyhow. I appreciate the invitations to drown my sorrows, but honestly I'm too depresssed to go drinking right now. In my current mood I'd only ruin everybody else's good time. Perhaps rather than making small individual contributions in the form of social hosting on an individual basis you should all chip in on a balkan mail order bride. Odds are she'd be less manipulative and have better conversation and table manners. Please take this into consideration if you find yourselves contemplating doing something nice for me. If, on the other hand, I'm correct in assuming that there are next to no parties interested in doing something nice for me you could get me a commemorative t shirt matching those worn by her other exes. They say "Yeah, I dated stephanie pullen too, but hey, the world needs chumps too and she needs more than most.
3 minutes ago · Like
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
An open letter to my brother requesting that he mediate a dispute between myself and his fiancee:
Wesley:
Responsibility to your family demands that you intercede in this matter and i propose the following terms of debate and suggest the following compromise.
The following regards a dispute between myself and miss minden arising from a rude comment which I made on her facebook wall. I do not defend the specific content of the message. However, I do take issue with the criticism she made that I was probably 'just high' and anyhow had (I paraphrase) astoundingly little to say. While i don't dispute either charge, i emphatically dispute that either is a legitimate grounds for objection in this context.
I understand her legitimate objection to an off color remark I had made and I had apologized prior to the portion of the correspondence which she characterized as druggy and irrelevant. At that point we were discussing the role of civility and social norms. I think civility and social norms are very nearly mutually exclusive terms in the context of online culture. Transgression for its own sake is something I will readily admit, but I won't apologize for being pointless. Criticizing people for writing on the internet when they have nothing to say is 'like handing out speeding tickets at the indy 500.' That is to say, it's like prosecuting someone for murder during a war. It's the ultimate case for moral relativism.
Further to the foregoing:
Allow me to refine my declaration of intent. I'm not asking you to defend your girlfriend. I'm not attacking her. I'm just trying to get out ahead of the her hating me narrative as it develops. Broker a cease fire for us before it makes holiday gatherings a giant pain in the ass for the next 30 years. Please. People are free to hate me and they frequently exercise that freedom. If you asked her, she might, as a courtesy, conduct her hatred of me in a manner which does not intervene in our family affairs.
I authorize you to tender the following offer: If she can bear her distaste for me and everything I stand for silently I will never say anything about her in general or particular terms anywhere to anyone and in return I will designate her to give my eulogy in my will with an explicit authorization for her to explain in whatever terms she pleases how my life was a complete waste.
If she is amenable to these terms I will consider the negotiations a success and give you a producer credit on her eulogy of me. On the principle that you should be entitled to a ten percent finder's fee and the principle that this transaction is to be conducted in silent loathing I propose to thus secure for you ten percent or so of the silent loathing.
Residual loathing produced after my death is the exclusive property of myself and it is my intent to take it with me to hell.
Responsibility to your family demands that you intercede in this matter and i propose the following terms of debate and suggest the following compromise.
The following regards a dispute between myself and miss minden arising from a rude comment which I made on her facebook wall. I do not defend the specific content of the message. However, I do take issue with the criticism she made that I was probably 'just high' and anyhow had (I paraphrase) astoundingly little to say. While i don't dispute either charge, i emphatically dispute that either is a legitimate grounds for objection in this context.
I understand her legitimate objection to an off color remark I had made and I had apologized prior to the portion of the correspondence which she characterized as druggy and irrelevant. At that point we were discussing the role of civility and social norms. I think civility and social norms are very nearly mutually exclusive terms in the context of online culture. Transgression for its own sake is something I will readily admit, but I won't apologize for being pointless. Criticizing people for writing on the internet when they have nothing to say is 'like handing out speeding tickets at the indy 500.' That is to say, it's like prosecuting someone for murder during a war. It's the ultimate case for moral relativism.
Further to the foregoing:
Allow me to refine my declaration of intent. I'm not asking you to defend your girlfriend. I'm not attacking her. I'm just trying to get out ahead of the her hating me narrative as it develops. Broker a cease fire for us before it makes holiday gatherings a giant pain in the ass for the next 30 years. Please. People are free to hate me and they frequently exercise that freedom. If you asked her, she might, as a courtesy, conduct her hatred of me in a manner which does not intervene in our family affairs.
I authorize you to tender the following offer: If she can bear her distaste for me and everything I stand for silently I will never say anything about her in general or particular terms anywhere to anyone and in return I will designate her to give my eulogy in my will with an explicit authorization for her to explain in whatever terms she pleases how my life was a complete waste.
If she is amenable to these terms I will consider the negotiations a success and give you a producer credit on her eulogy of me. On the principle that you should be entitled to a ten percent finder's fee and the principle that this transaction is to be conducted in silent loathing I propose to thus secure for you ten percent or so of the silent loathing.
Residual loathing produced after my death is the exclusive property of myself and it is my intent to take it with me to hell.
Friday, May 14, 2010
ad hommin' em: the asshole test
During the years when people were calling each other douchebags, I was still calling people asshole for the reason that douchebags are items which have utility for which we prize them, and yet we were trying to express precisely the opposite about the people to whom we compared them. Assholes are an inevitable but filthy part of us and that seemed to sum up my feelings about that select group of other people termed thus. To ensure that i was meeting the highest standards of rhetoric i implemented a test. when I wanted to call someone an asshole I would first picture one to be sure that it properly evoked their character.
Then, if satisfied, i would proceed to let them know what I thought of them. Surprisingly, the effect was not that I called people assholes less frequently, but that I enjoyed it more. Holding myself to this standard, i had to reconstruct people from the bottom up. The combination of holding myself to this relatively high standard while feeling at least a bit of genuine empathy for them before applying what i knew to be precisely the mot juste retained some of the emotional impact, especially to the phrase "now I feel like an asshole." the idea that i might be called upon to justify myself elevated a vulgar personal attack into a rather rarefied sphere of discourse. if anybody asked me why i had called them an asshole during that period i could have told them why they were. I hope to one3 day see universal adoption of this standard, with high school debate teams hearing the motion "chris is an asshole" without a single giggle and 17 so and so is an asshole motions on the agenda of every public hearing. wouldn't you like to know, really know, who is and who isn't?
Then, if satisfied, i would proceed to let them know what I thought of them. Surprisingly, the effect was not that I called people assholes less frequently, but that I enjoyed it more. Holding myself to this standard, i had to reconstruct people from the bottom up. The combination of holding myself to this relatively high standard while feeling at least a bit of genuine empathy for them before applying what i knew to be precisely the mot juste retained some of the emotional impact, especially to the phrase "now I feel like an asshole." the idea that i might be called upon to justify myself elevated a vulgar personal attack into a rather rarefied sphere of discourse. if anybody asked me why i had called them an asshole during that period i could have told them why they were. I hope to one3 day see universal adoption of this standard, with high school debate teams hearing the motion "chris is an asshole" without a single giggle and 17 so and so is an asshole motions on the agenda of every public hearing. wouldn't you like to know, really know, who is and who isn't?
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Smoking Policy and "Great American Smokeout"
---------------------------- Original Message ----------------------------
Subject: Re: SSU: Smoking Policy and "Great American Smokeout"
From: hornea@sonoma.edu
Date: Sun, November 22, 2009 1:41 pm
To: "Susan Kashack"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Dr Schwartz:
Thank you for advising me of the fact that smoking is unhealthy. It's
important to make informed decisions about things which may effect my
health no matter how fun and fulfilling they are. I will try not to let
this information impede my further enjoyment of smoking. If you have time
I would also appreciate some information about masturbation and blindness.
Of course being blind seems like a huge bummer and I'm not looking
forward to it, but I really like jerking off and I think I'm prepared to
accept the risk. While we're all just jerking off, it might also be
worthwhile to discuss the inconvenience associated with smoking, standing
more than twenty feet away from buildings and the way people keep stealing
my lighters by 'mistake.' The cumulative effect of going outside every
time I want a cigarette is almost certainly taking more time from my life
than five years or so that I can expect to lose off the end as a result of
smoking related diseases. I wonder if anybody has a creative solution to
this problem to propose and if it would be helpful to create a forum to
discuss possible measures. A smoking section in the library, for
instance, would save time and encourage many of us to spend more time
there studying. I'm sure you agree that anything that might enrich our
academic experience and encourage us to spend more time engaged in serious
scholarly pursuits bears further consideration. I know funds are tight
right now and I understand that a study group to investigate this matter
further and produce recommendations would have to be all volunteer. I
would be happy to serve. If you could help coordinate volunteers to work
with me on the project I would appreciate your assistance very much. With
the proper support, a committed core of volunteers like myself could have
us smoking in the library in no time. Building on our successes there, I
foresee smoking in other public buildings following shortly, with the
associated time savings paying dividends almost immediately. I look
forward to working with you on this.
Best Regards,
Andrew Horne
> November 17, 2009
>
>
> TO: All Students
>
> FR: Georgia Schwartz, MD, Director, SSU Student Health Center
>
> RE: Smoking Policy and "Great American Smokeout"
>
> Although the number of smokers is dropping, about 21% of American
> adults still smoke, and about 400,000 new smokers - mostly young
> people - join their ranks each year. Ironic, since most adults who
> smoke wish they didn't. As long as they smoke, they and those close to
> them have to deal with the daily irritations of bad breath, stinky
> clothes, yellow teeth, respiratory tract irritation, reduced
> resistance to infection, lost vigor and productivity, needing to find
> over $2,000 per year in their budgets to buy cigaretts (1 pack/day
> annual cost in California). They also must deal with the reality that
> they are likely to join the 440,000 American smokers who die
> prematurely each year and the millions that are sick or hospitalized
> as a direct result of the impact of smoking on their health.
> While smoking hurts smokers the most, you don't have to be a smoker to
> be hurt by smoking. About 50,000 non-smoking Americans die each year
> from exposure second hand smoke, and millions of other non-smokers
> suffer from related asthma attacks, pneumonia, middle ear problems,
> coughing, lung irritation and infection, heart attacks, and other
> maladies. In addition, Americans as a whole bear the burden of higher
> insurance premiums and taxes resulting from some $193 billion in added
> healthcare costs and millions more in lost productivity directly
> attributable to the effects of smoking.
>
> November 19 is the "Great American Smokeout" an annual event that
> reminds and challenges smokers to quit for at least 1 day and provides
> information resources to help them quit permanently. Successful
> quitting (though it may take several tries) has immediate and long-
> term benefits for everyone. Support those who wish to quit and speak
> up to protect yourself and others from secondhand smoke.
>
> Remember, SSU prohibits smoking inside and within 20 feet of the
> outermost perimeter of all campus buildings and on all stairways,
> ramps, partially enclosed or covered areas, clustered outdoor seating,
> event, and dining areas, as well as in any circumstance or location
> that unavoidably exposes others to second hand smoke.
>
> More information about the Great American Smokeout is available at
> http://www.cancer.org
> . Free help for quitting smoking is available by calling 800-QUIT-NOW
> (800-784-8669) or visiting http://www.smokefree.gov, or just Google
> "second hand smoke" for information and tips on impacting and/or
> avoiding secondhand smoke.
Subject: Re: SSU: Smoking Policy and "Great American Smokeout"
From: hornea@sonoma.edu
Date: Sun, November 22, 2009 1:41 pm
To: "Susan Kashack"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Dr Schwartz:
Thank you for advising me of the fact that smoking is unhealthy. It's
important to make informed decisions about things which may effect my
health no matter how fun and fulfilling they are. I will try not to let
this information impede my further enjoyment of smoking. If you have time
I would also appreciate some information about masturbation and blindness.
Of course being blind seems like a huge bummer and I'm not looking
forward to it, but I really like jerking off and I think I'm prepared to
accept the risk. While we're all just jerking off, it might also be
worthwhile to discuss the inconvenience associated with smoking, standing
more than twenty feet away from buildings and the way people keep stealing
my lighters by 'mistake.' The cumulative effect of going outside every
time I want a cigarette is almost certainly taking more time from my life
than five years or so that I can expect to lose off the end as a result of
smoking related diseases. I wonder if anybody has a creative solution to
this problem to propose and if it would be helpful to create a forum to
discuss possible measures. A smoking section in the library, for
instance, would save time and encourage many of us to spend more time
there studying. I'm sure you agree that anything that might enrich our
academic experience and encourage us to spend more time engaged in serious
scholarly pursuits bears further consideration. I know funds are tight
right now and I understand that a study group to investigate this matter
further and produce recommendations would have to be all volunteer. I
would be happy to serve. If you could help coordinate volunteers to work
with me on the project I would appreciate your assistance very much. With
the proper support, a committed core of volunteers like myself could have
us smoking in the library in no time. Building on our successes there, I
foresee smoking in other public buildings following shortly, with the
associated time savings paying dividends almost immediately. I look
forward to working with you on this.
Best Regards,
Andrew Horne
> November 17, 2009
>
>
> TO: All Students
>
> FR: Georgia Schwartz, MD, Director, SSU Student Health Center
>
> RE: Smoking Policy and "Great American Smokeout"
>
> Although the number of smokers is dropping, about 21% of American
> adults still smoke, and about 400,000 new smokers - mostly young
> people - join their ranks each year. Ironic, since most adults who
> smoke wish they didn't. As long as they smoke, they and those close to
> them have to deal with the daily irritations of bad breath, stinky
> clothes, yellow teeth, respiratory tract irritation, reduced
> resistance to infection, lost vigor and productivity, needing to find
> over $2,000 per year in their budgets to buy cigaretts (1 pack/day
> annual cost in California). They also must deal with the reality that
> they are likely to join the 440,000 American smokers who die
> prematurely each year and the millions that are sick or hospitalized
> as a direct result of the impact of smoking on their health.
> While smoking hurts smokers the most, you don't have to be a smoker to
> be hurt by smoking. About 50,000 non-smoking Americans die each year
> from exposure second hand smoke, and millions of other non-smokers
> suffer from related asthma attacks, pneumonia, middle ear problems,
> coughing, lung irritation and infection, heart attacks, and other
> maladies. In addition, Americans as a whole bear the burden of higher
> insurance premiums and taxes resulting from some $193 billion in added
> healthcare costs and millions more in lost productivity directly
> attributable to the effects of smoking.
>
> November 19 is the "Great American Smokeout" an annual event that
> reminds and challenges smokers to quit for at least 1 day and provides
> information resources to help them quit permanently. Successful
> quitting (though it may take several tries) has immediate and long-
> term benefits for everyone. Support those who wish to quit and speak
> up to protect yourself and others from secondhand smoke.
>
> Remember, SSU prohibits smoking inside and within 20 feet of the
> outermost perimeter of all campus buildings and on all stairways,
> ramps, partially enclosed or covered areas, clustered outdoor seating,
> event, and dining areas, as well as in any circumstance or location
> that unavoidably exposes others to second hand smoke.
>
> More information about the Great American Smokeout is available at
> http://www.cancer.org
> . Free help for quitting smoking is available by calling 800-QUIT-NOW
> (800-784-8669) or visiting http://www.smokefree.gov, or just Google
> "second hand smoke" for information and tips on impacting and/or
> avoiding secondhand smoke.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
despite having once lived in a small town my brother and I are not, nor have we ever been rednecks
there were no rednecks in idyllwild. it was not in the boonies proper, rather, it was in a georaphically isolated region near palm springs so that yuppies and boomers and fundies with a back to the land impulse could enjoy fake rusticity without great difficulty or the inconvenience of real isolation. The town consisted mainly of two contingent.: there were the hippies who were not quite commune material but hardly fit for society either; their leaeder was a man called richard geole who played the guitar execrably and had dropped so much acid that he really believed himself to be the second coming of chirst our lord and savior. then there were the fundamentalist xtians. their brand of hick piety was so extreme that they could not open their mouths in the presence of sane people without causing grave offense nor could the be exposed to normal society without becoming so shocked and offended themselves as to necessitate an immediate prayer service and circle jerk. It goes without saying that they hated richard goele for pretending to be jesus, who they happened to know personally and they felt the imposture was in the worst possible taste.
There had once benn real rednecks in idyllwild but they seemed to have all been scared off by the arrival of the acid casualty wirdos and the religion casualty weirdos. My parents had little to do with either camp, though my mother, being an idiot, occasionally spent time with the new age spiritualists. We mainly lived there because they needed a competent engineer like my father to run their water district and the whole lot didn't seem to have a single competent anything among them. Let us be thankful that they've chosen to sequester themselves in a remote locale where they cannot annoy the shit out of the rest of us. Wes and I were not so fortunate during our childhood, but by a stroke of goode luck we had nintendo and MTV around to teach us the truly important things in life and distract us from our disgusting social milieu. One redeeming virtue of the 12 year olf daughters of brain dead hippies was that they were completely ignorant of sex, but not at all shy about lifting up their skirts to show their nearly hairless pudendae to curious ten year old boys. of course, it was far less secually arousing han the africans issues of national geographic (this was before the internet) but I think one or two of them might have let wesley put it inside, or at least touch it.
There had once benn real rednecks in idyllwild but they seemed to have all been scared off by the arrival of the acid casualty wirdos and the religion casualty weirdos. My parents had little to do with either camp, though my mother, being an idiot, occasionally spent time with the new age spiritualists. We mainly lived there because they needed a competent engineer like my father to run their water district and the whole lot didn't seem to have a single competent anything among them. Let us be thankful that they've chosen to sequester themselves in a remote locale where they cannot annoy the shit out of the rest of us. Wes and I were not so fortunate during our childhood, but by a stroke of goode luck we had nintendo and MTV around to teach us the truly important things in life and distract us from our disgusting social milieu. One redeeming virtue of the 12 year olf daughters of brain dead hippies was that they were completely ignorant of sex, but not at all shy about lifting up their skirts to show their nearly hairless pudendae to curious ten year old boys. of course, it was far less secually arousing han the africans issues of national geographic (this was before the internet) but I think one or two of them might have let wesley put it inside, or at least touch it.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
stay classy, kenneth edward sex-machine
bathrobegin
12:26
Up in the delta there is this barge with a bunch of those trailers they make public schools out stacked up on it, maybe 3 high with people living in them
it's totally bottommed out in the mud, but it's offshore, so they're liveaboards, not squatters. In fact, they're yachtsmen, tecnically, and somebody is totally running bartertown there.
the recession is great for people with mad max fantasies.
remember there used to be a mad max bar down on market called the death guild?
whiteyonthemoon5
12:36
yes
bathrobegin
12:36
well it's not fantasy anymore. those people had to take the word postapocalyptic out of their fantasies and go to the DNA lounge
be lame there
with an exciting new plethora of STDs on offer
whiteyonthemoon5
12:38
you know Kenny is there right now
12:26
Up in the delta there is this barge with a bunch of those trailers they make public schools out stacked up on it, maybe 3 high with people living in them
it's totally bottommed out in the mud, but it's offshore, so they're liveaboards, not squatters. In fact, they're yachtsmen, tecnically, and somebody is totally running bartertown there.
the recession is great for people with mad max fantasies.
remember there used to be a mad max bar down on market called the death guild?
whiteyonthemoon5
12:36
yes
bathrobegin
12:36
well it's not fantasy anymore. those people had to take the word postapocalyptic out of their fantasies and go to the DNA lounge
be lame there
with an exciting new plethora of STDs on offer
whiteyonthemoon5
12:38
you know Kenny is there right now
ever play tug of sanctions? party games from the latrine of democracy
one team says "the cooler, as you can see, is on our side of the mud pit. if you adopt rules of order which permit the nomiation of a delegate to clean up the mud pit, that nomination to be seconded and put to a vote, you may have 3 beers from our cooler during deliberations
upon confirming a nomination you may have a further 2 beers
once the mud pit is cleaned up citizens from the far side of the mud pit may cross freely onto our side oft the mud pit for beers and weenies and smoking spliff with girls in sundresses and short shorts on the condition that they sign a treaty binding them to commit their military resources (fists) against other picnics in case of hostile invasion or any circumstance in which our picnic security is threatened by other picnics harboring elements who pose a threat to our security,
or simply put, help us jump any motherfuckers from another picnic that look at us
funny and then continually occupy that picnic if necessary until security can be restored."
upon confirming a nomination you may have a further 2 beers
once the mud pit is cleaned up citizens from the far side of the mud pit may cross freely onto our side oft the mud pit for beers and weenies and smoking spliff with girls in sundresses and short shorts on the condition that they sign a treaty binding them to commit their military resources (fists) against other picnics in case of hostile invasion or any circumstance in which our picnic security is threatened by other picnics harboring elements who pose a threat to our security,
or simply put, help us jump any motherfuckers from another picnic that look at us
funny and then continually occupy that picnic if necessary until security can be restored."
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